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In the season opener of Mike and Molly, Molly comes home from the Iowa Writers Workshop program (which I’m not sure she actually would have gotten into writing romance, but I digress) having written part of a “kind of porn” romance novel. The real kicker comes when she reveals that she’s sold the partially written book to a publisher for a lot of money by pulling out the advance check and showing it off.

An advance we later find out is enough to buy a brand new Dodge Challenger (starting price of the model she bought based on it having a heated steering wheel is $30,500).

I don’t usually watch this show and I’m not sure what made it turn it on that night, but since I did, let’s discuss all the nonsense I just laid out.

  1. Romance novels being referred to as “kind of porn” is just another example of why the romance genre continues to get no respect in the industry.
  2. If anyone knows of a publisher willing to buy a partial from an unknown writer for $30,000 feel free to tell me who that publisher is in the comments. I don’t think you’ll be able to. You know why? Because it doesn’t happen.
  3. She came home with the advance check after eight weeks? Let’s say it only took her a week to write that partial. That’s me being super generous. So in seven weeks time, she submitted, got the offer, vetted the contract, signed it, returned it and got the advance check? In real life that can take six months. Or longer.

Besides all that nonsense, what bothers me the most is the perpetuation of the myth that writers are rolling in it. And that they start rolling it from day one. And that writing is So Easy Anyone Can Do It.

Those kinds of lies are, I think, part of the excuse some readers give as to why they pirate books. They think we’re loaded so what’s it going to hurt if they steal our books and read them for free?

If those lies were true, why do so many writers have day jobs? In some cases more than one. Honestly, the writers of this show have to know better. I mean, they’re writers!! I can’t believe they don’t know what it’s really like in the trenches of publishing.

Of course, when has Hollywood really portrayed anything the way it actually happens?

  1. I always laugh at the way TV writers portray book writers and the book publishing industry in general. I think the truth is that there is a lot of envy there (in a grass-is-greener kind of way) and not a lot of actual knowledge. To be fair, TV writing is a very different business and they DO have to write very fast in order to put out a show every week. I can only imagine how they sit around and fantasize about the luxury of having months to write a book, getting advance checks instead of a measly salary or being paid by the word, etc.

    Totally inaccurate? Absolutely. And I completely agree that it contributes to a very damaging perception about book publishing and the life of an author. AND it doesn’t seem too much to ask that they do a tiny bit of research about something before sticking it in a show…but I understand real-life lawyers and doctors have pretty similar gripes about courtroom and hospital dramas.

  2. FANTASTIC!!! So on point, Kristen! I participated in a writers’ round table in MD this year. One of the questions from the audience was, “How much do you make per book?” The attendees were appalled–seriously!–at how little we actually earn for what is essentially a full-time job.

  3. I can’t wait for the book tour episode! You know, the one after the book comes out (a month after she sold it) when they send her to the Ritz Carlton and she packs auditoriums doing readings and does an interview to promote the book on The Today Show. And, of course, the inevitable movie deal we all get.

    Loved this post!

  4. Great post – sick of the lack of respect that romance novels get – and everyone should know by now that the average writer is not rolling in it1

  5. Hear, hear! I quit watching early last season because she quit her teaching job to be a writer because it was so easy. All the writers I know work very hard.

  6. Are you saying that MIKE AND MOLLY isn’t a documentary? Shit. I just quit my clerk job at 7/11 based on that episode. I’m so totally screwed.

  7. I honestly don’t usually watch this show either, but was too lazy to change the station and watched. While not a writer, I know lots of writers and I actually screamed at the tv several times while watching this episode. Lots of head shaking too.

  8. Remember, Hollywood is an industry in which a producer can arbitrarily decide that a fictional family is middle class with an income of $200,000, because who can live on less than that? So yes, they live in a drug-fueled fantasy world, and this episode was just an example.

  9. Sing it, sister! Great post. Especially galling is the continued belittling of the romance industry by calling it “kind of porn.” Also loving the fact that I recognize the names of so many commenters on this thread, whose books I adore.

    Signed,

    A newly published author who is still working her day job and hasn’t bought a new car in years.

  10. I am in no way justifying their portrayal of that nonsense, but I think part of it is that no one would actually believe how little we get paid. It’s simply preposterous that we work this hard and get paid so little.

  11. Its just a show for the love of god. and as for how us readers look at you so called authors how would you know do u take the time and ask your readers? The authors I know and speak with are amazing people and I don’t care how much money they make the stuff they write about is the pay off for them not the money. they want to make there readers happy and for the most part they do. that is why us readers buy the books to give them there pay checks and to read the amazing things they think up or dream about or what ever it is there writing about. we did not tell you be a writer and work 30 other jobs you took it upon yourself to be writers and once you make a name for yourself and have tons of readers little stuff like what happened on Mike and Molly will make you smile. like I said before it is just a show readers are not as dumb as you think. we know you don’t make that kind of money from the start its like any other job you work your way to the top

  12. @Kim – that is the point – Molly was an ‘author’ just starting out (per the description of the episode) and yet managed to garner something that probably 80% of real authors will never see because that isn’t how the industry is, unless you are a James Patterson, Janet Evanovich, Nora Roberts type

    its understandable that people in that profession are fustrated with the portrayal of their careers/dreams as being something that anyone can acheive, when they really work their asses off to give us the books that we love, and are hopefully compensation at a level close to their talent (but they rarely are). many need to work second and third jobs to, oh, I dunno, put food on the table – they can’t just up and quit their job – that is life, that is reailty

  13. My favorite fictional portrayal of an author is in Cheaper By the Dozen (new version) where the mom sells her book for big money, but only if she immediately sets out on a cross country book tour, including an appearance on Oprah.

  14. Did my screaming on FB while watching the episode make you turn iit on? LOL! My husband tried to warn me….He knows how absurd this writing subplot has been because he knows the real struggle to write from watching me and my writing friends….

    BTW – it’s worse — hubby is a car guy and said that car would be up in the $40-45,000 range…

  15. Absolutely. I completely agree. And I really want the name of that publisher too 😉

    Did you see that next week’s episode is about her struggling to write her SECOND book? I love how fast she’s popping out these mega-moneymakers. I must be slacking 😉

  16. I get what you are saying but at the same time what you are saying is that us the readers of great authors are dumb because we don’t know that you guys don’t make enough money to stay at home and write. if you did everyone would be writing a book. but that is was also make you one of the greats as well. I have been reading one author since I was 15 love all her books she makes tons of money and to meet her in real life would be her down fall because I see what she posts on facebook as if us the readers owe her something. then I have other authors that I read that are new to the book world who don’t make that much and have other jobs that if I met I would be over the moon excited because they are just like me busting my ass on day to day yet still have what it takes to entrap me in there world of books and know that what ever it is there writing is amazing and not because they could get rich off what they have in there minds but because they know what there writing is damn good and screw the money and they know with out us readers they would be no where. we readers are not dumb. we watch a show like Mike and Molly and think ya right no way did you get that pay check but it also makes us laugh. we know most writers are not making that much for a book but we would like to think man wouldn’t that be great to be one of the greats to write a book and for it to sell. so please don’t think for a second that a funny show like Mike and Molly ( which I do watch time to time) can ever portray a true reader into thinking writes get tons of money we are a lot smarter then you think.

  17. I shut it off as soon as she referred to it as a kind of porn. I was so done. Bad job, writers. Offend a big demographic. And be stupid doing it. I’m done watching that show!

  18. I didn’t see the show but I would have laughed myself silly had I tuned in. My advance check would barely by a used Taurus with 200K miles. Of course I write mystery novels, perhaps I should switch to a “kind of porn!”

  19. You do get that it’s a sitcom, not the evening news, right? I mean, all those people we kill in our books don’t really die, do they? I wonder all the things that happen on Grey’s Anatomy really take place in a hospital?

  20. This is how I feel when I watch medical shows 😀 It’s especially great when people watch these shows and then ask you why you don’t have a big fat advance check – or in my case, when a patient’s family member asks why I’m not pushing the pain medication really fast like they do on Grey’s Anatomy.

  21. Someone mentioned their favorite fictional portrayal of an author. Mine was one episode of The Waltons. John Boy signed a contract to publish his book. He didn’t read the contract very well because he was so excited. He thought he was a real author until he got a bill instead of a royalty check. He had signed with a Vanity Press! So he had to pay for all those lovely books and then try to sell them!

  22. I have found as a general rule that any topic I know anything about (writing, dog training, horses, the Texas mindset, Christianity, Shintoism, beekeeping, cheese making, etc., etc.) that is covered in a mainstream television show, will be drastically misrepresented and butchered to suit the producer’s ends. It’s painful, really. And don’t even get me started on unrealistic scenarios in action movies… >:O

  23. It is my understanding that TV/Movie writers do get paid that well or near it. They must have their heads in a barrel and OBVIOUSLY didn’t research! That’s a no-no for novel writers, so why not them?

  24. Whoa, seriously? Romance gets no respect? What about 75% of all book sales? I’d say that’s respect. If you think romance gets no respect, you should try being a writer in the horror genre!

  25. (: it’s like every movie about a garage band who in a matter of weeks ends up the biggest thing, playing sold out shows… its called ‘movie magic’ people! You don’t hear those of us still playing in our basements complaining about how unrealistic it is. Duh, its supposed to be. It’s a sitcom. I’m not into that show, but hey, lets hate on every thing that would NEVER really happen.

  26. I think getting any advance check, of ANY amount, is pretty high up on my list of “Ultimate Writer Goals”. Not to mention being able to live off my writing! Someday…..someday….

  27. Sitcoms are not real life. They are not supposed to be like real life. No one has apartments in New York like the one on FRIENDS. CHEERS was not like a real bar. The people in MODERN FAMILY do not act like actual human beings. It’s entertainment. Calm down.

  28. I had all the same thoughts and feelings when I watched the episode. I WISH it were that easy to make that kind of money as a romance author. The whole episode was unrealistic, but unfortunately, only those of us who are writers know this. And yes, I do think the writers of Mike and Molly did a huge disservice to writers in general with this episode no matter what genre they happen to write.

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